How To Deal With A Commitment-Phobe
Have you been dating your boyfriend/girlfriend for what seems like forever but they just won’t commit? Does the idea or mention of commitment send them running in the opposite direction? Here are the Dos and Don’ts for dealing with a commitment-phobe:
- Talk to them about why commitment is important to you. Let them know how you feel about their phobia and the positive ways your relationship will benefit from commitment. They’ll see that you’re not just trying to be controlling but that you genuinely believe that it will be a good thing.
- Be specific in what you want. They might have terrible ideas running through their head of what a committed relationship entails, but if you let them know exactly what you want from them, they might realize that it’s not as scary as they think.
- Give them time, but not too much. State your case about why you want them to commit and then give them time to react and think about it. But don’t let them off the hook and give them too much time to just do nothing and avoid it.
- Decide what you’ll do if they refuse. Think about what you really want and need from the relationship and decide what you’re going to do if they won’t commit to you. Are you willing to just go along with what they want? Or will that be a deal-breaker for you?
And that’s the most frustrating thing about depression. It isn’t always something you can fight back against with hope. It isn’t even something — it’s nothing. And you can’t combat nothing. You can’t fill it up. You can’t cover it. It’s just there, pulling the meaning out of everything. That being the case, all the hopeful, proactive solutions start to sound completely insane in contrast to the scope of the problem.
It would be like having a bunch of dead fish, but no one around you will acknowledge that the fish are dead. Instead, they offer to help you look for the fish or try to help you figure out why they disappeared.
This is actually a really good way to explain it, I think.
I WILL NEVER NOT REBLOG THIS
Favorite line will always be “No, see, that solution is for a different problem than the one I have.”
Are You Carrying Past Relationship Baggage?
We are all products of our past experiences and this includes our past relationships. Our exes help to shape our current outlook on relationships, and our experiences help us grow and move forward in life. But, more often than not, we end up carrying around baggage from past relationships that can be harmful as we try to move on with other people. Here are some of the ways that our past relationship baggage can be holding us back:
- You can’t trust. If you’ve been betrayed in a past relationship then you know how much it hurts, and you’ll do anything to prevent it from happening again. To protect ourselves, we can become guarded and closed-off, putting up walls around our feelings with new partners. If you’re not able to put your trust into a new partner you’ll never be able to move the relationship forward. Hanging on to old betrayal holds us back from moving on and being happy with someone new.
- You’re afraid to talk about your feelings. If you were punished in your last relationship for expressing your feelings then you’ll likely be reluctant to reveal them in a new relationship. Maybe your ex betrayed your trust or didn’t feel the same way, and the trauma from those experiences can be damaging. Your current relationships will suffer if you aren’t able to open up and talk about your feelings because you don’t feel secure enough to do so.